Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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