We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
