I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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