Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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