Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
