Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Randomize