I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
In America we eat man semen.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
