glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
