I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
