After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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