hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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