In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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