I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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