So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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