dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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