Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize