Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
