remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
