You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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