looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
