What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
