Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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