my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
