Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
