im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
