I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
