When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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