Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So vagazzling was a success
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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