when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i came on her dog
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
