Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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