My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
