How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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