I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
