Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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