It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Watching her eat just hurts me
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
