It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
it was like eating out sand paper
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
