I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
