For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
