i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My penis needs a shock collar
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
