a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
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I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
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You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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