he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
being pregnant is like rehab
Can I color on your dick again?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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