i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
