Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
