They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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