too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
