If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
