why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
