We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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