so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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