forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
They took my balls.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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