i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
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do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
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I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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