Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
