Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
