Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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