taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
