dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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