Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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