Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I booty called her while she was in labor.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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