We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
