i jhust puked up my retainher.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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