I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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