Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
