I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
