I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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